This is going to be a hard one to write and maybe a hard one to read, but I know I am not alone in this. What is to follow is something that has been on my mind the last month or so and the only way I know to get it off is to write (or type) it out.
So there was a time where I thought I knew that I met the man that I was going to call my husband. I just knew it! Don’t ask me how I knew, but something in my heart just told me so. Then one day, my heart and head broke down and I opened completely up to him and from that day forward we haven’t said boo to each other. For over a year I was heartbroken and I cried countless times into my pillow. I talked to God on many occasions about why, how, who, what, when, and where.
God, WHY am I the way I am?
God, WHEN are you going to show him we are meant to be?
God, WHAT on earth do I do?
God, HOW do I get through to him?
God, WHERE did I go wrong?
God, WHO is right for me, if not him?
Then I stopped. I stopped praying all those ridiculous prayers and started praying only one. Through my tears I prayed..
God, I ask you to stop making me hurt. I don’t want to hurt any more. Heal my heart.
I prayed that one prayer for about a month. Soon after that my hurting stopped and I didn’t feel the way I felt. Now you can tell me that time heals all wounds, which may be true, but I feel that through my prayers and my flat out begging I was healed.
Flash forward to today I still think very fondly of “The One I’ll Love Forever”. No harsh feelings toward him, I mean its not his fault were not together. His heart was not in the same place as mine. THAT’S OKAY. Ask me how long it took me to forgive him? More than a year I’ll tell ya that.
I occasionally.. very occasionally, think about what like would be like if we ever did end up together, but in the end I know that it wasn’t meant to be. Two people in two totally different parts of their lives don’t really fit well together. I’ve got my life and he has his and God has a plan for both of us.
Now I’m better where I am now. Living out my dream and my life. I know one day I’ll be where I need to be and who I need to be with until then…