You read that right, I almost gave up. I almost broke down far enough where I wanted to pack one bag, ONE BAG, with things I found most important and go back home. I almost couldn’t take it any more. I couldn’t take not being able to go and sit on a couch in my parents living room and just be there. Have everything back to how it use to be. I wanted to run back to my comfort zone. Yes, CH was a comfort zone. I almost did.
I needed this. I needed my life, my stories, my lessons, my adventures. I know that sounds extremely self-centered, but I needed it. I was in a rut and nothing and no one was getting me out of it. I was stuck doing the same thing every single day, day after day.
I joke about being the only one having to do the dishes and the only one who cooks, cleans, does laundry, goes grocery shopping, pays the bills, etc. That’s all “hard”, but what is actually hard is not having the support system I once had. Building everything from ground zero. I know what you’re saying, I still have my support system. They are all just a phone call away. I know. A phone call isn’t the same as being able to have a cup of coffee, a drink, breakfast, a round of mini golf, a walk in the woods, a hug from the worlds best huger. It just isn’t. Does this make me homesick?
I almost gave up until I reminded myself why I did this in the first place. I did this because I needed a fresh start. I needed grow. I needed to learn. I needed to do something with my life. I knew walking into this that it was going to be one of the biggest life challenges I would have to do. I knew that it wasn’t going to be easy making friends, finding a doctor, BEING AN ADULT, overcoming new challenges every single day. It just isn’t easy.
Although I have gone through some very low lows since moving here, I am still over flowing with pride for my self. I know it is not right to be prideful. It isn’t, but it is okay to cheer for oneself. I am the squad leader of my own cheer section. I am proud that I am still here. I am still making everything count for something. I am still having new experience. I am adventuring, I am learning, I am growing.